So funny when you remember that some where out there on the world wide web is a place where you started writing.....then you forget and a few years later you find it again....

Well here I am finding my blog which I forgot I had.  Its 10 years old already!  SAY WHAAAT!  Yup, this little blog has been around for 10 years and for some amazing reason it is still here.
I really should write more.

On the AMTRAK train from Pennsylvania to New York City.  I have a flight from JFK at 5pm to get me back to work.  It is the final city of Corteo which means another chapter closing in my life.

Man I have really been spoilt with getting to see the world.  I will be adding another country to my list making it, I might be slightly off, but 34 cities that I have had the pleasure to experience.
As for the altitude, I am NOT looking for to it and the adjusting to it.  Its going to be higher than Mexico City.....oh Boy!

So PA you ask? Yeah, who would've thought!!!  Came to visit a friend who recently moved here.  We worked together on Varekai a few years back.  Been 3 years since we saw each other and well, it sure as hell didnt feel like that.
The trip was really about what ifs and who knows.  I guess its a little like finding the a book you started readying but never had a chance to finish for whatever reason.  This weekend was about finishing the book.
Book done.  Now time to find a new one ;)

Thats it for now.  Will really try to write more.  I should, its soothing!

Over and Out!

Its so hard because I have nothing to complain about yet Im so sad on the inside.
I have so much to be thankful for and dont want to sound ungrateful but I feel so lonely sometimes.

Its so hard to explain and finding a solution seems impossible.

I get to experience so many amazing things yet I dont have a someone special to do it with. To make memories with.....A friend, a lover......no one......

Trying to keep swimming but its hard. I feel like Im going to sink.....

Over and Out....

Why do we still hang around when we know its just gonna end in tears? Why do we always hope that the faith we have in a person will be stronger than the truth and that just maybe maybe maybe?

Just lovely, most of the time! I can't really elaborate but the first few hours we spent together is how I got to know you as a person and I really liked that person. Now a days its not like that and well, it can be but it won't that that makes me sad.....
I mean some days it is and those are rocking days....then it gets flipped and I wish I could understand it more and try to see it the way you do but I don't and never will.....

The times we do have like the way I know you are amazing and wonderful and make me smile from the inside out but those moments seem to be more and more limited.....

You know when you know you should walk but its just to hard....WHY!????

Over and Out!

So I guess I just need to vent because its how Im feeling! I could vent to someone but they just wont get it.....its not possible to explain how I feel.

You have no idea what an ass you are. You have no idea how selfish and clueless you are. You have no idea what a friend actually is and when you asked me for respect, I should have asked you if you know what the word means!!!

I seem to give and give and it just gets taken and then some how I feel like my heart gets ripped out of my chest. Im not talking about love....Im talking about when you give time and feelings and patience and understand and you think its appreciated but in actual fact its not and there was never ever a teeny tiny bit of appreciation. You never actually gave a hoot and just drained out as much goodness to make you feel good. To make yourself feel special and wanted and to give yourself a boost. I was only ever there for you to feel wanted and that you are worth something.

But the truth is, you are nothing. You have no concept of other people's feelings. You dont know to treat people around you as people unless you want something from them. You give just so that you can take it all and then toss the unwanted material away.

I have a feelings. I am a person with a warm heart and I deserved better! I took all the bad you gave and instead of listening to my friends......real friends, I stood up for you because I believed that deep down inside you were a good person. You were someone who just needed a bit of understanding and time and that the things you said were actually true.....I should have listened to my inner feelings and known that you were exactly as people had warned me about you.

What's sad is that you are going to do exactly the same to the new person. How do I know this because I can see it happening in exactly the same order and way you did it with me. So stupid....I was so stupid to believe there was something decent inside you.

I want to wish bad on you! I want to wish that one day it happens the other way round and that you feel the way you making me feel but I dont......I really hope you never feel the way you have made me feel....I hope that you never have to feel used and abused and broken because you thought the respect, trust and honesty was a two way thing.

You need to understand what words mean before you ask for them from someone!!

Friend -a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
Honesty -truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.

Respect - esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability

Trust -reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

- confident expectation of something; hope.

F i n a l l y !

MERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY xmas..........

Its been an interesting day but thats not why Im here.....

saw the one person that has caused alot of thinking and emotions in my life the other day and I think its finally done....like D O N E ! I didnt think I would ever say it but after all this time, I think Im FINALLLLLLY over you!

It was good to see you.....was weird and strange but so "normal!" at the same time. Took me most of the time together to try and work out how I felt. I had to rush off to work, jumped in a cab and just as quickly as it all started, it seemed to end......

Will miss our good times.....our wonderful moments and how you made me fell but its so good to finally let go!

1 2 3 will forever be yours and them funny black and white birds.....

Thanks for the good times......

Just cant stop thinking bout you or us....and its driving me nuts! deleted you from fb and your phone number from my phone so that I dont send you random messages but there just always seems to be SOMETHING that reminds me of you.....

WHY!?

Aaaargh!

What annoys me the most is that I dont know if its because I cant have "us" that I want us so much or if its because you are "the one"

Ive given SO much and recieved SO little.....def time to let go but why is it so DAMN hard :(

*blah*

Over and Out!

b l a h

b l a h ! thats how i feel and i have no idea why!
feel like just writing which is why im here.....my mind seems to be filled with a zillion million things and i cant seem to find an off button...

sometimes i wish i could just have few glimpses into the future to see in which direction i need to head....

realised too that we really need to appreciate what we have in life and love the ones around us...ppl get taken away so easily and as we get older it seems to happen more often!

signing out
*wave*